This is Not Me

Before I get to the subject at hand, here's an update on the gender test. I got an email back from the "Moms of Intelligender". I was told that my results appear to be "girl". Of course they do. OF COURSE. But they would also be happy to send me another test so that I can try again. And relive the confusion and frustration of the other day? Yes, please. No really...send me another test. I'll at least feel like I got them on sale or something. Now that I'm two females at once, I really like sales. So I am patiently and nonchalantly waiting for round 2 to arrive. (This is me whistling and checking out my nails in between checking the mail every five minutes.) So soon, we will have confirmation #2 that the baby is a girl, and shortly thereafter, I'm sure the ultrasound tech will provide confirmation #3. Queue the Rolling Stones...you can't always get what you waaa-aaant." And yes, I understand the next line of the song is where the lesson lies, but I'm sulking right now.

Speaking of sulking, let's get to the real issue. Mood swings. I'm not going to pretend I wasn't moody before. But holy *#$!%. Will someone please put the word out immediately that now is not the time to cross me?! It's not only the safety of others that I'm concerned about. I just don't like feeling the special level of irritability (and sometimes rage) that has now come to be a 2-3 times daily part of my life. Case in point, the woman next to me at work today WILL NOT STOP COUGHING. I know, can you believe it? Ugh. Anyway. So after a few minutes of it, I turned around and yelled, "STOP IT!" She didn't. Later, as the coughing continued, I asked her what is wrong with her. She said she has a tickle in her throat. I told her she should go home anyway. A tickle in your throat could lead to a number of things, not the least of which is a swift punch to the face if I have to listen to you hack up a hair ball onto your keyboard for the rest of the day. See what I mean? This can no longer be called mood swings. This is Olympic-level mood gymnastics and I'm soundly beating every other country in the world. I can't even talk about it anymore.

Because everything in pregnant world is full of weird combinations that don't go together at all, I am also experiencing a very wonderful sense of peace. (With the exception of 2-3 times a day). And with this peace comes a big desire to clear out the chaos in my life. The chaos being all of my personal items that are heaped in various piles all over my apartment and suddenly causing me distress. Last night, with an energy that can only be described as unnatural, I left work, went grocery shopping, cooked dinner, emptied and refilled the dishwasher, did two loads of laundry (I even put it away), and then reluctantly laid in bed with an aching back while trying to ignore the sounds of the steam cleaner literally calling to me. All day long, I have been planning what to do next. I can't wait to go home and de-clutter all of the surfaces I have turned into "important stuff to go through later piles". I really can't wait.

Intelligender is Not Your Friend

I found a loophole in the Peyton-says-it-costs-too-much Intelligender situation. I had a gift card to Target and guess whaaaat? Target sells it! So this realization was incredibly exciting for me and on my way home, I stopped and bought the test, a Bella Band, new bath towels and a bath mat, a soap dispenser and a toothbrush holder. And I still have $5 left on the card. Not bad for a Monday. Plus, besides having 'peeing in a cup' to look forward to this morning, I also got to look forward to doing so in my freshly spruced up bathroom. It was completely subconscious, but all the bathroom stuff I bought was basically the exact shade of green I wanted the test to turn (boy).

So I wake up well before my alarm went off this morning, because I reallyhad to go. But I forced myself to lay in bed until 6:15, naturally not falling back asleep since I was pretty uncomfortable, but I didn't want to risk not needing to go anymore once I officially got up. So the alarm goes off, I ignore Zoe sitting by the front door, and take the test. Yellow-orange will mean it's a girl. Green will mean it's a boy. Seems pretty simple. Well. I never knew how similar those two colors could be. Seriously? I'm looking at a jar filled with a really strange greenish-yellowish-orangish liquid and my heart SANK. Because now, I know that I either have a baby with no working "parts" or $30 of my hard-earned gift card just got wasted on a jar full of my pee that I have no other use for!!!!!

I have since confirmed with 3 other people that my test results were useless. I also emailed pictures to the Intelligender customer service people and told them they ruined my morning. Hopefully, they will have something useful to say back to me, like, "Here's a check for $30" or "You are not smart enough to use our test, that picture is OBVIOUSLY showing (insert boy or girl here)." We shall see.

In the meantime, I have decided I no longer care what gender the baby is. So at least something good came out of this.

Boy Parts Or a Lack Thereof...

I was all set to blog about my adventure with the Intelligender test today (http://www.intelligender.com/home.html) but alas...it did not and probably will not happen. I ran the idea by Peyton and was told it's not something I should spend $35 on when I could add that money to the baby fund and we'll find out anyway in *sigh* EIGHT WEEKS. Every party has a pooper...

But in the meantime, I have looked up some old wives tales to try out and those have been somewhat fun. The Chinese Lunar Calendar said last weekend that it was a boy. I tried it again yesterday on a different website though...GIRL. The swinging needle test also pointed to having a boy. Last weekend. But when I moved the test to the ceiling fan-less dining room, it too changed to girl. So basically, these tests are crap and don't have any more accuracy than a Ouija board. But did that ever stop me from playing with my Ouija board? NO.

So I'm thinking about being a guinea pig for the Intelligender people, conveniently located in Frisco, TX. (I win!) I'll get to do the test for free and get rewarded with a $25 Target gift card. You see, Peyton? You see what girls are like? Still wanna say it's a girl?

Queue The Waterworks

I don't want to jinx things, but yesterday was amazingly comfortable. That's right...12 weeks TO THE DAY, just like I've been praying for, I woke up feeling great with lots of energy. Today has been pretty good too, so I'm hoping this sticks. As I type this, I do feel a little queasy, but I also just downed a huge lunch and then treated myself to a trip to Stein's Bakery for a petit-for as a reward for being pretty. Whoops. Overdid it. Can't complain though! I did this. And it was worth it.

Despite yesterday's good things, I did encounter a new joy of pregnancy that I had yet to experience. Sudden, uncontrollable crying. Five times in one day, I might add. Let's see, there was my aunt telling me I'm a great writer. Other people might smile at the compliment. I teared up. Then one of my best friends announcing she's leaving the company soon. Unacceptable. Peyton asking about my old dog Turk. I almost stopped breathing for that one. Then an episode of Teen Moms and a strangely timed realization that the words "I Love You" are entirely underused in my life. It was pretty pitiful. Oh wait, make that SIX times. I also finished reading The Help and if you haven't read it, DO IT. I can't wait to see what gets me today. I should probably avoid watching Animal Planet.

Honestly, I'll take crying over having to nap in my car any day. I've always been an emotional person, so I already have all the right make-up and a technique of looking up at a light at just the right angle to make my glasses reflect it, thus hiding the redness of my eyes. THIS I'm prepared for.

Watching The Clock

Tomorrow, I will be 12 weeks. TOMORROW, all the books say, I will start to feel better and have more energy. I know I shouldn't take this literally, but with only 8 hours and 32 minutes left until the possibility of being able to do a load of laundry without following it up with a nap, or waking up and eating breakfast and actually getting to keep it...I can't help but hope.

When I'm not stressed, I'm fine. I spent the weekend with my family in Houston and introduced them to Peyton, who they loved. (Of course.) Not even a hint of sickness the whole time. But back on the road to Dallas, it was back. Coming to work every day doesn't seem to be this baby's idea of fun either. (Wonder where he gets that?) If I could just take a 6-9 month vacation, this would go much more smoothly.

Speaking of Houston, my family was so great and excited and supportive, which only adds to MY excitement. Peyton has been telling people left and right, but I have been saving this news from just about everyone until I was closer to 12 weeks, and because I wanted to tell family before telling anyone else. I would never do anything as silly as to wish I lived in Houston, but I am now wishing Houston was about 250 miles closer to Dallas. Two of my aunts and I spent most of Saturday afternoon shopping and I can now say I have been to Babies R Us a) without having a panic attack and b) had a good time. I never thought I would see the day...it was literally a year ago that I stood in that place with a baby registry in hand and tears in my eyes and called my best friend to make her tell me EXACTLY what she wanted and EXACTLY where to find it.

Without knowing the baby's gender...well, "officially" knowing...I was hesitant to let them buy anything, but there was no stopping them. At one point, I told them we needed to go before there was nothing left for me to buy my own baby. To which they replied, "What makes you think this isyour baby?" Touche.

So now I'm sure I will be slowly letting my friends in on the big news. And at some point after that, people at work are going to start to notice. Because that is going to be how they find out. It's hard to be a private person when you work with mostly women and you start to gain weight. Women LOVE to talk, and even more, they LOVE to talk about who's getting fat and why. For now though, I'm keeping this a happy time and keeping co-workers in the dark. I deserve a few more weeks of peace.

The Details

I realize it's not very nice of me to drop a couple of bombs like that and then just check out without explaining everything. I'm sure it's the sort of thing those of you who know me are used to by now though. I'm very mysterious. It's part of my charm.

So to answer the obvious questions, "daddy" is my boyfriend, Peyton. We both work at the same company, on the same floor and have told almost no one that we are even dating. That should make telling them we're having a baby even more delightful. Looking back, I feel like if we had been a little more open about our relationship, the news of being pregnant wouldn't end up being such a shock. And we all know shocking news makes GREAT gossip. At the same time, I think if people had known all along that we have been together, I probably would have spent the past year being asked for status updates on my personal life by people who have no place whatsoever in my personal life. It would not have been pretty, I can be a little feisty at times.

More about him: He has been more supportive and helpful and patient than I ever could have expected, and not a day has gone by in the past few weeks that I have not thanked God that if this had to happen, it happened with him and not with one of the mistakes I've made in the past. He will be an amazing father, and if things keep going my way, he'll be amazing at doing all of my laundry for me as well. I've just been that lucky so far...

About the baby: HE (because I have a feeling about these things) is about 11 weeks and counting. There are fingers and fingernails, eyelids, intestines, legs, a pretty large head (for the equally large brain, obviously) and basically all of the necessities that he has been required to grow at this point. He has also recently developed the ability to pee and do somersaults. Maybe even at the same time. Isn't that special?

So are we excited? Well...I think I can now say that yes, we have gotten to that point. It wasn't immediate, although the decision to keep and raise this baby was hardly ever in question. We just had to realize that what we are about to do has been done many, many times before this by people with much less than we have, and to have a little faith in ourselves. My father walked out of my life after 21 years of raising me without my mother, and I turned out to be a decent human being. I know that I can at the VERY least promise to never do such a cowardly thing, so right off the bat, this baby has every opportunity to be even better than decent.

Everything is "so far so good". I am apparently the healthiest I've ever been, so the timing is strangely perfect. I could not have said that even as recently as a few months ago. But as of right now, the baby has a pretty nice place to call home.

Someone's Been Keeping Secrets...

So...how do I want to surprise everyone...?

Well, for starters, guess what? I've been dating someone for over a year now and you probably fall into one of these categories A) You had no idea B) You knew I was dating someone but have no idea who or C) You know everything because I tell you everything. Group C, shocker #2 will probably not be news to you either, but read on for your own entertainment.

So now that we cleared that up, perhaps you are wondering if it's serious. Yeah. I'd say it just got really serious. Marriage serious? Hahaha!! You should know me better than that. I don't commit that easily and I certainly don't do things the way you're supposed to. You know...first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage. That silly little song we were taught at a very young age to lay the groundwork as early as possible for a normal standard our parents wanted us to live by. The thing is, my parents both checked out early, so I rewrote that little number, and now it goes like this. First comes BABY...then maybe we'll move on to love at some point when there's more time for that sort of thing and who really knows about marriage? I can't see the future.

Yeah, I said baby. I am almost certain you are reading this thinking that it couldn't have happened to a better person and I'll make an excellent mother. I am also pretty sure you saw the sarcasm in that and are really reaching for your phone to call up your friend who's been looking to adopt to let them know what's about to come on the market. Put the phone down. We're keeping it. Yes, I know that scares you and that's perfectly understandable. It scares me too. My dog is seven years old and I have yet to properly potty train her and I fully expect my laundry to fold itself. I put off mundane things like getting my hair trimmed and my oil changed because I hate taking the time out of my day to bother with it. I love sleep more than anything in life and my favorite thing to daydream about is packing up everything I own on a whim and moving someplace completely new.

I am SO prepared for this.