Remember when I used to blog? Yeah, me either. But don't worry, my neglect of you is widely and evenly spread amongst everything in my life right now, so please don't feel like I've singled you out. My laundry? Ingored. (As always). Dishes? What dishes? Daycare? Ehh...eventually. Pediatrician? I'll get around to it. Place to live? There's always next week. Christmas cards? Addressed! But not signed. I did the hard part and now can't make myself do the easy part. I wrapped three out of four Christmas gifts last night. Why not just go ahead and wrap the last one, you ask? Didn't feel like it. And what about naming the baby? Noooo....we will not be getting around to that anytime soon, I promise.
It's not like I'm tired. In fact, I'm sleeping really well for the most part. I'm just sort of a little bit in denial, maybe. Because just in case you thought that by the third trimester, it would have sunk in that I'm actually going to have a baby at the end of all this, it so hasn't. It never did and still does not feel real. Oh, I get that I'm pregnant...that part is pretty much impossible to ignore. But the fact that there is going to be an actual human to take care of pretty soon - it just makes no sense. I'm still puppy shopping, in fact. When I tell people this, they look at me as if I'm absolutely insane, but with a puppy, I know what I'm getting into and that I can also change my mind if it doesn't seem to be going well. I'm ready for a puppy. A baby? Not so much.
I'm in for a pretty big reality check, right? Trust me, I'm aware. But it's hard to picture bringing the baby home, when we don't even know where home is. We can, however, picture what he'll be wearing because BabyKer officially has a closetful of clothes. A literal closetful. And Peyton has a bigger closet than I do, and that is where all things baby are living right now, so did I mention baby has a lot of clothes? And oh my gosh, are they the cutest things ever. So are the tiny shoes! He already has five pairs of shoes and yes, I know he doesn't need them, but I promise he will be wearing them anyway. With Christmas around the corner, however, I'm having to constantly remind myself that the baby isn't actually here and that he will be just fine if I don't buy him gifts this year. The toys for six month old babies will do him no good whatsoever for at least eight months and by then...I can start shopping for next Christmas. It's so fun though.
Speaking of Christmas, I found out last night that my grandmother is sending out her annual Christmas letter as per the usual, and that yours truly and my exciting news of this super-long-cooking baby did not even earn a mention. Apparently, it's just too embarrassing to share that her unwed granddaughter will be gracing the world with an illegitimate baby while shacking up in sin with the baby daddy. Suffice it to say, I'm not surprised in the least by her omission, but my feelings are very hurt. In fact, I had a hard time falling asleep last night because I kept working myself up by imagining the Julia Sugarbaker-type rants ("and FURTHERMOOOOOORE, Grandma....") I wish I could unleash on her if only I wouldn't have to end up being the one to apologize for hurting her feelings. I cannot wait for all of you to get to meet her at the baby shower. With no men around to keep her in line, I'm not really sure what she'll feel compelled to say. But in the spirit of forgiveness, she's still invited. (Or is it in the spirit of entertainment? Kids...and old ladies, it turns out, can say the darnedest things). I understand that she grew up in another time and things were different, and BLAH BLAH BLAH....which is why she'll never know how I feel. I just wish I could make her see that the same God that she is using as the foundation for her judgement and pride is the God who made sure this baby happened in the first place and that He certainly wouldn't leave me out of His Christmas letter out of embarrassment, no matter what. And that's all I have to say about that...
In other news, my projects are starting to roll in! What projects? Why the ones you are working on, of course. Duh. While in Houston this weekend, one aunt gave me the three projects she made for BabyKer's room. One of them with a post-it note placeholder where his name will later be added. For the record, I swear we have no idea what we are naming him. It's true that we're not telling anyone until he's born, but it may turn out that we don't know until he's born either. But I digress. I also have a beautiful new watercolor from my incredibly talented cousin, Jax. He whipped it up in about an hour. Just saying. Another aunt got started making origami creatures for a mobile. And last but not least, my cousin, Jacob, somehow thought that his project was complete when he painted a watercolor four years ago, but that isn't how this works...so I'm excited to see what he creates just for the baby in the next few weeks. I hope I'm not being too subtle for you, Jacob. P.S. I like trees.
Even though I am unmotivated and becoming the champion of not getting things done, I am currently working on a new to-do list, one that I hope will have some check-marks on it the next time I write. If you happen to get a Christmas card in the mail before Christmas, for example, you will know that I've taken at least one step in that direction. Luckily, other people are in charge of sending out baby shower invitations, so that actually stands a chance of getting done - be checking the mail for them! It's January 22nd and will probably be the time of your life, so you should just go ahead and mark your calendars now. Start making travel arrangements too, if you need to. You can come stay with me in my tent that weekend. (Guess I better get a tent.)