Tuesday, December 28, 2010
So other than my laborious breathing, everything is still pretty boring on the pregnancy front. Still have a butt in my ribs, but I imagine it's a pretty cute one, so it's not really a big deal. The baby is 90% named, I think. Not that we're sharing, but we've been sort of stuck on one for a while now. And guess what? We ran it by Zoe and BabyKer and they both like it as well, so it's 100% approved. Just have to see if it sticks now. There's no telling with me though, my favorite color was green yesterday and today it's orange. We have 49 days left (although I'd be perfectly happy with a few less than that), baby's head is getting bigger because my favorite part - his brain, is growing rapidly right now. He is changing colors, from red to pink, and putting on some more body fat. Hopefully, he's taking it from my reserves and not wasting resources. Mom likes to recycle.
Exciting news! We have a place to live. It's hopefully pretty short-term. We resigned ourselves to living in an apartment since no one seems to want to move out of their house during Christmas, which turned out to be incredibly inconvenient for us. We'll try again in a few months. But the good news is, BabyKer has his own room for me to paint some undecided (and surely to be re-decided) color. Peyton has been busy working on some paintings for his room too, so it's going to be pretty cute. Bad news...Peyton is about to meet a new side of me, and I bet the first few days of living together are going to be rough. Once we get over the initial control-freak decorator that lives deep down inside me, I think it's going to be fun, but please pray for our first week together :). He has opinions and I am going to do my best to respect them. Even though I think men should have no say in the matter. I'm still going to try and be a better person than I've been in the past. But this part of my personality is something I was born with and cannot be completely ignored, as demonstrated by the constant battle my parents faced with me when they would come home from work to find all of their furniture rearranged. They had horrible taste, but could not be convinced of it. I never gave up though. If they came home today to find a certain ugly hall table missing, they would probably still know exactly which closet in which to find it. It's like I was raised by apes, really - we have nothing in common. But I digress.
Christmas was wonderful. We had great visits with both of our families. My grandmother was on great behavior, which made things much easier. However, she was sporting a new wig and I kept seeing her across the room and not recognizing her, which was strange. I giggled to myself a little when I saw she had slipped a copy of her Christmas letter into one of my gifts though. Oh thank you...it's just what I wanted. But everyone, including her, was more than generous to us and I have no complaints. Well, except that I didn't get to drink wine with all my Christmas dinners, but there's always next year.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sleep has not been coming so easily the past few days. I think I may be permanently uncomfortable with no other option but to wait it out. I think I'd rather have baby-interrupted spurts of super-comfy sleep than the painful kind at this point, but patience is a virtue.
Thirty-two weeks tomorrow! And right on schedule, my 8-weeks-ahead-of-me coworker is in labor today. On her due date. If you knew her, you'd know how fitting it is that her baby is so punctual already. So if my baby's like me, he'll either be really early or won't want to bother coming out at all, depending on his mood.
This weekend, I really wanted to have a day where we didn't do anything important - no chores, no errands, nothing. So we did that Saturday and it was so great. Slept in late, went to get some breakfast, did some half-hearted, unproductive shopping, rented movies, napped, and went out for dinner. Unfortunately, dinner took place in Rockwall, so it was a little bit of a nightmare to get out there, but other than that...one of the best no-obligation days so far. I plan to have a few more in the next few weeks. Here's hoping.
Christmas is this weekend - and if only it weren't almost 80 degrees outside (as well as inside, or is it just me?) I'd almost believe it. But since I have no tree up, the sun is blazing, I haven't done any shopping and I'm not really in the mood...it just doesn't seem like it's really coming up in a matter of days. Well, there is my friendly neighbor across the hall at work who doesn't own a pair of headphones and prefers Celine Dion over any other Christmas album...but that's the last thing that would get me in the mood for festivities. I bet once I stop sweating, I'll be more into it. Christmas, that is...not Celine Dion.
As of my last doctor visit, my pregnancy is still decidedly boring (which is great), according to my doctor. I've grown 33 centimeters, and BabyKer is between 3 and 4 lbs. I also asked for confirmation of his position so I'll know I'm not causing brain damage to him when I try to push him away from my soon-to-be broken ribs. Good news! I'm not - it's just his tiny, very boney hiney, which he likes to wiggle a lot. It'll be a really cute trick in person, I'm sure. He moves around a lot lately. Not so much kicking as squirming...I can tell he's running out of room. Poor thing. Wait till he finds out he's sleeping in a basket on a nightstand when he gets here.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
It's not like I'm tired. In fact, I'm sleeping really well for the most part. I'm just sort of a little bit in denial, maybe. Because just in case you thought that by the third trimester, it would have sunk in that I'm actually going to have a baby at the end of all this, it so hasn't. It never did and still does not feel real. Oh, I get that I'm pregnant...that part is pretty much impossible to ignore. But the fact that there is going to be an actual human to take care of pretty soon - it just makes no sense. I'm still puppy shopping, in fact. When I tell people this, they look at me as if I'm absolutely insane, but with a puppy, I know what I'm getting into and that I can also change my mind if it doesn't seem to be going well. I'm ready for a puppy. A baby? Not so much.
I'm in for a pretty big reality check, right? Trust me, I'm aware. But it's hard to picture bringing the baby home, when we don't even know where home is. We can, however, picture what he'll be wearing because BabyKer officially has a closetful of clothes. A literal closetful. And Peyton has a bigger closet than I do, and that is where all things baby are living right now, so did I mention baby has a lot of clothes? And oh my gosh, are they the cutest things ever. So are the tiny shoes! He already has five pairs of shoes and yes, I know he doesn't need them, but I promise he will be wearing them anyway. With Christmas around the corner, however, I'm having to constantly remind myself that the baby isn't actually here and that he will be just fine if I don't buy him gifts this year. The toys for six month old babies will do him no good whatsoever for at least eight months and by then...I can start shopping for next Christmas. It's so fun though.
Speaking of Christmas, I found out last night that my grandmother is sending out her annual Christmas letter as per the usual, and that yours truly and my exciting news of this super-long-cooking baby did not even earn a mention. Apparently, it's just too embarrassing to share that her unwed granddaughter will be gracing the world with an illegitimate baby while shacking up in sin with the baby daddy. Suffice it to say, I'm not surprised in the least by her omission, but my feelings are very hurt. In fact, I had a hard time falling asleep last night because I kept working myself up by imagining the Julia Sugarbaker-type rants ("and FURTHERMOOOOOORE, Grandma....") I wish I could unleash on her if only I wouldn't have to end up being the one to apologize for hurting her feelings. I cannot wait for all of you to get to meet her at the baby shower. With no men around to keep her in line, I'm not really sure what she'll feel compelled to say. But in the spirit of forgiveness, she's still invited. (Or is it in the spirit of entertainment? Kids...and old ladies, it turns out, can say the darnedest things). I understand that she grew up in another time and things were different, and BLAH BLAH BLAH....which is why she'll never know how I feel. I just wish I could make her see that the same God that she is using as the foundation for her judgement and pride is the God who made sure this baby happened in the first place and that He certainly wouldn't leave me out of His Christmas letter out of embarrassment, no matter what. And that's all I have to say about that...
In other news, my projects are starting to roll in! What projects? Why the ones you are working on, of course. Duh. While in Houston this weekend, one aunt gave me the three projects she made for BabyKer's room. One of them with a post-it note placeholder where his name will later be added. For the record, I swear we have no idea what we are naming him. It's true that we're not telling anyone until he's born, but it may turn out that we don't know until he's born either. But I digress. I also have a beautiful new watercolor from my incredibly talented cousin, Jax. He whipped it up in about an hour. Just saying. Another aunt got started making origami creatures for a mobile. And last but not least, my cousin, Jacob, somehow thought that his project was complete when he painted a watercolor four years ago, but that isn't how this works...so I'm excited to see what he creates just for the baby in the next few weeks. I hope I'm not being too subtle for you, Jacob. P.S. I like trees.
Even though I am unmotivated and becoming the champion of not getting things done, I am currently working on a new to-do list, one that I hope will have some check-marks on it the next time I write. If you happen to get a Christmas card in the mail before Christmas, for example, you will know that I've taken at least one step in that direction. Luckily, other people are in charge of sending out baby shower invitations, so that actually stands a chance of getting done - be checking the mail for them! It's January 22nd and will probably be the time of your life, so you should just go ahead and mark your calendars now. Start making travel arrangements too, if you need to. You can come stay with me in my tent that weekend. (Guess I better get a tent.)
Monday, November 22, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
I am so in love with my new body butter. Forgive me for sounding like a commercial, but I have found perfection, and it needs to be shared with the world. Yes to Carrots is the best stuff out there. It doesn't stink, which is a big deal at this point in my life when "stink" has taken on new meaning. It makes my skin softer than ever, another big deal since I'm dealing with a winter-pregnant combo that makes skin very dry and itchy. It isn't greasy, which is something a lot of good moisturizers are. And the best part....it's $12.99 at Target for a big tub of it as opposed to $40 for my second-favorite Mom and Baby Balm at L'Occitane. I could go on and on. I'm going to, actually...it's made from organic fruits and vegetables and some Dead Sea minerals, and part of it's proceeds go to planting seeds somewhere or something. It's very noble of me to use it, that's all I know. So imagine my excitement when I read today that their line has expanded to include Yes to Baby Carrots. Yep. Baby carrots. As in babies. And guess who's having a baby? Yep. Me. The universe has conspired to make this the happiest time in my life and it knew exactly what would really do it for me! Anyone who knows me knows that there is a regoshdarndiculous amount of body products residing in my bathroom at any given point. Well, now there will be even more. Don't be shocked to find some of this hiding in your stockings this Christmas, as this year's theme will be Cassidy's Favorite Things (which are better and more practical than Oprah's). You're welcome in advance.
*Insert cheesy smile here as I hold up a label-forward tub of said product*
Ok, free advertising session over. How are those projects coming?
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Yesterday, I spent all day working on decorating our office for halloween. We're doing A Nightmare Before Christmas and it's kind of a lot of work. Manual work. All day. I was exhausted by 2:00 and by 5:00, I was laying on the floor behind my desk with my feet in the chair and wondering how I would ever get back up. I have no idea how it happened, but I found myself right-side-up again and on my way to Babies R Us to meet Janelle and finally finish exploring the universe of baby and telling it what I need. I'm so glad she was there...I deleted several things from the list, added about forty-nine more...found out what some of this stuff actually does, learned that a receiving blanket actually does have some purpose, and maybe even lots of purpose. Who'd have guessed? Probably everyone but me, actually. Anyway, we finished up, went to dinner, then headed home. I sat on the Tollway in traffic for forty-five minutes at 9 p.m. and fell into bed when I got home. I have never been so physically and mentally tired in all my life. No really. Never. So naturally, I woke up six times, couldn't fall back asleep one of those times, spent a lot of the night listening to Zoe snore like a grown man or scratch herself and now I will spending the day in the realm of the walking dead so I can be around others like myself. It's a support system.
Seriously though...I finished something. I'm so HAPPY!
But now that I know what this kind of tired feels like, I'm wondering how to survive the next eighteen years of my life. And just so you know, there was a ten minute pause between the last sentence and this one during which I fell asleep at my desk. It's not looking good. I just did it again. I'm out.
Monday, October 25, 2010
It's possible that the cupcake saved some other lives as well. Because it elevated my mood to "non-murderous" on Thursday, the DAs on Friday who had stupid things to say to me lived to see another weekend. I realize that some people are socially inept and some people are men. Falling into one of those two categories is dangerous when speaking to a pregnant woman. So here are two examples of what NOT to say, ever, at any point, unless you are a very fast runner or have cat-like reflexes: "I was so sure you were having a girl because your nose is doing the same thing mine did and getting really huge!! I mean, it looks better today than it has before, but I can still see it." Her house stands a pretty good chance of getting toilet papered soon. I'm not above that. Next comment (in the same day of course, that's how this seems to work): "Wow, someone's really putting on some weight. Haha...at least it's in all the right places. Congratulations, by the way." In my head, I mashed my index finger against his lips and said, "Shhhhhhhhhh!". JUST. SAY. CONGRATS. That is all. Leave it at that. In fact, take your cue from my obviously well-informed boyfriend and say things like, "You're so skinny," and "You could be a pregnant mom model." I'm not going to believe you, but I'm also not going to punch you, so everybody wins.
The weekend was much better. I ordered BabyKer some pacifiers that are supposed to be great, we bought him some teeny tiny flip-flops that look like they could be a keychain, but for $1, he really needed them. I also bought him a copy of Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch and was going to open it up and read it in the car, but I got teary-eyed just thinking about it, so maybe another day. Sunday, we took him to his first scary movie, Paranormal Activity 2. High five to Peyton for doing something he really did not want to do and high five to BabyKer for not being scared at all. I walked out of the theater and told Peyton the movie just made me more excited for the baby because the one in the movie was so cute. He thought that was weird. If he's just now figuring this out about me, he has only himself to blame because I've done very little to hide it.
On a side note, besides being a scary movie fan, BabyKer is also now a baseball fan. He and his daddy actually got so excited during the game on Friday night that I had to separate the two of them for a few minutes. I think our house is going to be loud. Whatever, as long as it's happy.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
But why should I complain? I had the luxury of sleeping through the night last night for the first time in months after all. Shouldn't I feel spoiled? Well, I don't. I am overwhelmed and unexcited, and the unexcited part has led to guilt, which makes me a little depressed and this week is just not fun. Not that I even know what fun is anymore. Fun used to be buying little presents to myself or redecorating my bedroom for no reason. Fun was meeting a friend for happy hour after a long day at work or having sushi for lunch three times in one week just because it's so yummy. Fun was running at Arbor Hills and making it all the way up the big hills without walking - then getting to watch the numbers on the scale go down, along with my pant size. THAT was fun. And that was forever ago, it seems like.
Now my body belongs to someone else and I can't do a single thing without thinking about how it will affect him. Welcome to motherhood, yes I know. At least when he's here I'll be able to take a break every now and then. Right now, I'm just watching all that weight I was so worried about not gaining in the beginning deliver itself to my doorstep (the back door, naturally) on a daily basis. Ounces a day that add up to pounds so quickly that if I did the math, I'd probably weigh around 324 pounds by the time the baby is born. I'm worrying about money every moment of every day and feeling the weight of birthday gifts, baby shower gifts, wedding gifts and Christmas gifts resting on my shoulders for weeks and weeks to come. Not to mention the huge increase in my own expenses I have to look forward to. I am drinking a cup of coffee every morning and then feeling guilty because I'm probably turning my baby into a hyper-active caffeine addicted midget from what the books say, even though I'm staying below the limit. What the books say...I've stopped reading the books. The books are evil as far as I'm concerned. There should be a book out there that, start to finish, just tells people what a load of crap all the other books are, and that they should be shelved in a section called, "How To Lose Your Mind Before The Hormones Make You Lose It Anyway." I knew I should have bought the one called Pregnancy Sucks.
So today is going to be a blast, I just know it. It's ShoveBabiesDownMyThroatDay, apparently. Soon, I leave for a doctor appointment, where I am looking forward to the startled look on her face when she sees my new scale number. Then I get to swing by BuyBuy Baby for a last minute baby shower gift for a co-worker that I will get back to the office just in time for. This is a true testament of my planning skills lately. Once that's over, the work day will be too, and I'll be heading to Babies R Us to meet a friend so she can help me with my mess of a registry and hopefully calm me down and tell me how worth it all of this is. She better be reading this before then, she has a lot of work ahead of her.
Keep your fingers crossed for another mood swing, by the way. We're hoping it swings the other way next time.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
So much to talk about since last week. For starters, the replacement Intelligender test arrived and this time, gave me clear results. Unfortunately for all of you, I'm not telling you what those were because all shopping has to come to a halt until until September 23rd, when an actual doctor confirms it. See how mean I am now? Sorry.
Thursday, we had another doctor visit. It mostly consisted of waiting, and then about 20 minutes of chatting with the doctor who says everything looks great. I gained one pound. We heard the baby's heartbeat again. I didn't have to endure any needles, so overall - success. We scheduled my next appointment for 5 weeks later instead of 4, which will put me at 19 weeks and therefore...we will be finding out the sex. If I have to lay there all day and wait for the baby to learn how to do somersaults, I will. We are finding out the sex that day. I don't know how some people wait for this kind of information on purpose. In other news....I will be a very patient mother. No really, I will. I'm working on it.
Here in Texas, this weekend was tax-free weekend, so we decided to do some baby shopping. Which meant looking at how cuuuute and peeerrrfect the little boys things are then forcing myself to venture over to the girls stuff and find stuff I liked there as well. There were actually some non-pink, decent looking outfits that I guess would be ok. We ended up buying two outfits. Both were three-piece pants-tee shirt-jacket combos, one for a boy, one for a girl. I like the blue one much better, in case you were wondering. We Peyton-shopped for a bit, which is so much easier and more fun than shopping for me, by the way. And then...we walked into Motherhood. Oh....NOOO.... I was immediately overcome with depression. This? This is where I am now forced to shop? It was as if I was standing in a Kmart in some indiscernible decade where Bedazzlers and polyester rule the night. The visit lasted approximately 2 minutes, which, in this horrible porthole of doom, felt like eternity. I left trying to think of creative new ways to never have to step into a pair of maternity pants as long as I live.
But never fear, the day was saved. If you were smart (like me) you jumped on last Thursday's Groupon offer, which was $50 to spend at the Gap for $25. So after leaving the mall, we headed to the Gap and I wandered over to the Gap Kids area and there, way in the back corner was the maternity section. And this, my friends, is where I regained hope. Every single thing I tried on was cute. All of it!! Even the weird, elastic-waistband jeans! Who's have guessed? So I bought pretty much everything I tried on (except for one shirt, which I accidentally stole) and left very happy. And did I mention that Peyton sat there patiently while I tried everything on and came out to show him every single outfit? I bet that was fun for him...
Fast forward to the next day, I was sick all day. The "can't get out of bed or even consider eating a bite of anything" kind of sick. Yes, the morning sickness is over. Yay. It has now been replaced by "completely sporadic sickness that hits with no warning". Ew. So onto better subjects.
We have a list of names we like, but right now, it's growing instead of being narrowed down and that's the way we want it. So please send us your suggestions!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
My little genderless, name TBD baby already has gifts pouring in, and to be honest - he/she likes it. Since the most "real" part of being pregnant right now, for me, is tossing my cookies, it's really nice to have something goodhappening that makes this a little more tangible. The only thing I should point out is that despite my obvious preference to have a boy, it is, at this point, a complete unknown. So keep those gift receipts!
Also, here is how things work in my world. I can stand next to the winningest person I know at a craps table, and they will suddenly go on a losing streak. I've never bought a lottery ticket, but when I get scratch-offs in my stocking at Christmas, I've never won more than $1. If I vote for someone, their opponent wins. So you can go ahead and count on this baby being a girl because apparently I pissed off the universe during a past life and am doomed to never win. I'm not saying I won't love a girl just as much as boy. I know I would. I'd love the baby if it turned out to be a puppy. Maybe MORE so. I just want a boy. So. Much. Which basically ruins my chances.
But despite what the baby turns out to be, it WILL be wearing it's Run DMC onesie, it WILL be a monkey for halloween next year, dress and act like a Dallas Cowboys fan, sleep in a pink-free nursery and be an adorable little chubster, if Peyton's baby pictures are any indication of what's to come. So buy whatever you want. Seriously. Neither parent knows what they are doing, so it's nothing but a huge help.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Today's entry is brought to you by Peyton, the number 5 and the letter M.
When I was a little child growing up I do not recall ever having thoughts about how many children I would have or what type of family I would have. Charlie and Karie, my brother and sister, were the ones who always said they wanted a big family, not me. It just never crossed my mind. About a year ago those thoughts for me changed. Nothing in particular changed my thinking but I truly believe God started to feed my brain and heart with something different. He started making me think what it would be like for me 10, 15, 25 years from now. He gave me visions of the future. I actually saw these in color. Would I be alone? Lonely? Would I be happy? I don’t know, but it made me sad.
When Cassidy told me she was pregnant I didn’t freak out. I did not get angry or upset but I was very stunned and shocked. After a week of this I called my mom, dad and step mom and told them what was happening and when I did they all seemed so much happier than I did. I told all 3 of them that I would get excited eventually but at that time I was still stunned and could not think straight. Dang it Peyton, this is not all about you anymore.
But after I told them something inside me clicked and all of the sudden I couldn’t stop thinking of my life yet to come and my life building a family. I have never been more excited than I am today and as each day passes the excitement grows. This life I am about to live feels to me like the answer to why I am here on Earth. I am here to be a father and soul mate and to be a builder of a family.
Sass, I cannot wait to share in parenting of our little alien growing in your belly. The future is ours and it is shinning very brightly on us. God wanted this all to happen and HE is making sure that it does. There are reasons we are here, just not everyone is listening.
Monday, August 16, 2010
I have been dreading telling my grandmother on my dad's side that I am pregnant. My sweet, VERY conservative Southern Baptist grandmother who taught me how to sit with my ankles crossed (which I never do) and told me that all make-up collections need a good, slate-blue eye shadow. That was in the late 80's, of course but still...always keep up appearances. She is the one who sent me to church camp every year, took me to church with her on Sundays, drove me back and forth to vacation Bible school, had me baptized and sang hymns to me to help me sleep. So for the past few weeks, telling her that I am pregnant with no plans to get married has been weighing pretty heavily on my sinful shoulders. But by Saturday, the time had come. Everyone else knows and it was only a matter of time before she found out from someone other than me. In the past, she has always been who I told things to first, but this...this was different. This is something I have lost sleep over. My aunt offered to go with me, told me to definitely leave Peyton at home, and we both silently prepared for me to be excommunicated from the family, or at the very least, left out of the Christmas letter this year. (It wouldn't be the first time.)
However, with the pressure on, I decided to do it my way and to take Peyton with me. He brings me peace and is the one other person who is just as much a part of this as I am. Not to mention the points it would earn him by being at my side. So we headed over to grandma's house and visited with her for a while and drank iced tea and sat in big pink chairs and I listened to her tell Peyton stories that I've heard so many times, I could probably tell them even better than she can. Then Howard called. Howard is my grandmother's boyfriend and wanted to come see her. Right then. For a few days, he has been worried that perhaps she has met someone else (which at 79, even she laughed at) so he couldn't wait for dinner to get his fix, he needed to come over much, much sooner. Howard is a dear, sweet man who showers my grandmother with affection and attention, but despite that, I had no desire to share my news with him there. So now I had about 20 minutes left at most to get the words out. I kept listening for the sound of his car outside while I tapped my fingers on the pink armrests and waited for an opening from my grandmother. I don't remember if I got one, or if I just interrupted her but finally, I was able to manage, "Well, Peyton and I have some news," while thinking, "Please don't look at my left hand, please please..."
"We're going to have a baby."
*silence* followed by "You're kidding." (Said in a tone that said she really did believe we were kidding.)
"No, we're not kidding. And we're very excited."
"Well so am I!!!"
Whaaaat??? Grandma just said she was excited. The next few minutes were a blur as we shot down questions about marriage and got that out of the way and then she darted to the patio where she was storing some of my cousin's baby dresses and started talking about how it just has to be a girl because these little smocked dresses are expensive and not that easy to find, you know.
Somewhere in there, Howard arrived and she greeted him with, "Helloooo! We're looking at baby clothes!! They're having a baby!" And we all sat around for a few minutes and talked about how that was just fine, because these are different times, after all.
And boy, aren't they?