Wednesday, August 31, 2011

MOVED! Ish...

We are officially in our new house!  And someday, hopefully sooner than later, it will feel like our house, and not the house of BettyWhite/Betty Davis, who not only had horrible taste (which we already knew), but also had severely questionable decision-making skills.  I'll elaborate on that shortly.

The move went pretty smoothly, actually.  I bet Peyton was a little skeptical when the three old white men I hired showed up to move us.  But they worked their butts off and did a great job and later revealed that they actually aren't old at all.  Never judge a book by it's cover, I guess?  One of them told us a story about how some 72 year-old woman thought he was her age, but he had to correct her and tell her he was only 52.  They had pretty worn book covers, ok?  It was an easy mistake to make.  Very worn.  Leathery and missing a few pages....anyway...

Instead of making all the trips back and forth with Peyton for the small stuff, I stayed at the house and painted.   The previous owner was a smoker with a dog.  Oh, and did I forget to mention she did a great job hiding the sixty-something dog pee stains with strategically placed throw rugs?  We found that part out the day before closing, when we also discovered that she had used heavy-duty two-sided tape to hold the biggest rug down, so....the carpet is making an exit soon.  Obviously.  So back to painting...first of all, I'm still trying to figure out why we didn't hire someone.  Of the three rooms we started with, zero of them are done, one has a great color, one has a decent color, and one is being repainted in a to-be-determined new NEW color.  I have to say, though, it looks a lot better than it did.  Let's just say her tastes didn't coincide with ours.  At all.  Here is a list of the colors we are painting over:

Rotting Avocado
Camel Fur
Blood Disorder
and my personal favorite...Defecated Mustard

That last one is appropriately spread all over the hall leading to the bathroom.  I will miss these colors as much as I miss our apartment.

So now that we officially live there, all the fun little things we didn't pay attention to are coming to light, and it's making our to-do list a little daunting.  But really, I could care less.  I love the house.  All the dumb little things the seller did can be fixed, and all the stupid little things she didn't do can also be fixed, and even with boxes everywhere and half-painted walls, it already looks better than it did and a lot more like us.  Well, a little more, at least.  As we were laying in bed the other night, I looked up and said, "Have you ever seen an uglier ceiling fan in your life?"  Peyton said, "Yes. In the living room."

Harrison loves his new house and could care less what anything looks like.  He has a huge living room to play in, another huge living room to eventually play in, a room that he clearly feels comfortable in, because he's slept through the night every night we've been there. (Knock on wood.  Now.)  He loves the backyard, which has lots of leaves for him to grab and put in his mouth.  The kitchen is big enough to put his jumpy in there while we cook, so he doesn't have to be alone. Now that I think about it, this is really Harrison's house and he is letting us live there too.  Sweet boy.  By the way, best compliment we've heard so far, "He's so adorable, I can't even stop looking at him."  Yeah, welcome to our world.

Now about Zoe. She may or may not be a permanent resident, it's still up in the air.  Given that the other dog already laid out the blueprint for where it's ok to pee in the house, her following in his footsteps would really just take the carpet from Unacceptable Level Yellow to Unacceptable Level Yellow-er.  But at the same time, I really find it annoying that she can spend twenty minutes in the backyard and then comes inside to poop. She's pretty much an idiot and I don't really like her they way I used to.  I know that's a sad thing to say, but it's true.  Also infuriating is when I am dieting and therefore only allowed a certain amount of food, and she jumps onto the coffee table and eats my dinner when I leave the room.  You don't mess with my when I'm hungry, I can't believe she hasn't figured that out after all this time.  So now that I've advertised so heavily, anyone want her?  She's a great dog...

This weekend, my aunt and cousins are coming to stay with us and help with little odds and ends around the house and I am SO EXCITED TO SEE THEM!  Maybe we can make all the doorknobs match while they are here.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Harrison Bought a House

Such a busy time in our lives, sorry for not updating recently.  We close on our new house on Friday and are thrilled to be moving!  I really can't get out of the 2nd floor apartment fast enough.  And as if I needed further motivation, we have become infested with tiny ants in the past few days.  We thought it was limited to the kitchen, where they have been helping themselves to fresh baked loaves of bread, dog food and some delicious leftovers, but no...Peyton saw one on the shower head today.  Good.  Drown, you stupid freeloaders!  So the ants go marching onto the list of things I won't miss in four days.  Other items include: having to move the coffee table against the couch to have room to spend time on the floor with Harrison, thus trapping anyone on the couch and making it impossible to walk through the living room without walking on the coffee table (which I have done) or doing dancer-type leaps over Peyton while he plays video games (which I do beautifully).  Also not going to miss the ethernet cable which runs from our closet, down the hall, over the half wall in the dining room and into the living room.  If I ever trip and fall with Harrison in my arms, I will sue the person responsible, which will be counter-productive, as we share a bank account, but my point will be made nonetheless.  I will not miss lugging 80lbs of anything up our hot staircase, which we have had to curtain off ghetto-style in order to not send our $275 electric bills into the $300 range. I will not miss vertical blinds, parking 30 yards away, never checking the mail because it's too hot, and having to drive somewhere to pick up deliveries.  All of these things can go to hell.  I also will not miss Zoe.  What?  Who said that?  Peyton, are you typing right now too?  I do not wish her to go to hell, though.  She probably already thinks she's there anyway.

Other changes we have made: We traded in Harrison for a baby who can sit up and it's been a dream...just lovely, I tell you.  We named him Harrison as well, so there shouldn't be any confusion.  New and talented Harrison is also eating from a delightfully healthy and 100% organic menu of avocados, bananas, carrots, butternut squash, peaches, pears, zucchini, sweet potatoes, green beans, peas, brown rice and oatmeal, and soon to include mangos.  I, as the acting chef of these delicacies, find them all to be quite delicious and so does New Harrison, who gets a little fussy if you don't feed him at the quick pace he desires.  When he isn't eating or sitting up, he is trying his hardest to crawl, but just isn't quite there yet, much to my relief.  Besides the part about him just growing up so fast, I'm really just not ready to go into 24/7 chase mode just yet.  However, he is really cute when he tries, and has started to do a little thrust-and-grunt move which he thinks is helping.  It's not.  But it does help me laugh!  Here's a video:

Harrison's New Moves

Over the weekend, Harrison also discovered the art of throwing a fit for no reason.  Up until now, we could brag about how he never cries unless he's tired or hungry or not feeling well.  Lol. And lol some more.  He now has made the connection between crying and getting picked up, and therefore spend about 90% of his waking time this weekend in our arms, while we decide how we're going to handle this in the future.  For now, if we set him down right in front of us, and make sure he's still touching our leg or leaning on us, it's not good enough.  He can and will throw himself at us with arms outstretched and burst into tears.  It's just sad and cute enough that it works for him at the moment.  We'll have to do something soon, though.  The kid's heavy!  Throw in a double ear infection though, and he can have whatever he wants for a few days.

Yeah, he's probably going to end up a tiny bit spoiled.  And yeah...I'm probably not too worried about it.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

It's too HOT to be pleasant!

Normally I would feel compelled to consider my audience and turn on my brain-to-mouth (or in this case, brain-to-phalanges) function, but I just don't feel that way today.'s my blog.  You're lucky I even just bothered to look up the correct spelling of phalanges, to be honest.  Saved myself some real embarrassment though, I must say.

So chalk it up to PMS or lack of sleep or something, but I just can't get it up for anything this week.  I don't feel like working, exercising, being nice to people, or functioning in any capacity that could be deemed necessary.  Needless to say, it's really not a good time for my bank to choose to F with me (and yet they have), for the hospital to ignore my requests to file Harrison being born with our insurance (morons), or for me to have to pick up my glamourous cube dwellings and move them to a back corner where I will be surrounded by...OMG...there are no words for these people, why would I even try to explain it?  My days will now be filled with comments about my unmarried status, Loudmouth complaining about everyone else being loud, and Afroduck calling Obama her "boyfriend".  Geeeeeeeeez, it hurts to think about!  I was just telling Peyton that I don't know how I could get through my day without the option of visiting Harrison whenever I feel like it and I think that little perk just became incredibly huge.  Who knows?  Maybe daycare will have to change our enrollment to "part time" due to all the hours I will soon be spending down there taking care of H myself.

Just to get it out of my system (which is running on fumes right now), I'm going to create a quick bitch-list, and then hopefully go about my day feeling a bit more calm and maybe even motivated.  (motivated to nap, maybe...)

1. I had a dream last night that people were assuming horrible things about me because Peyton and I aren't married and asking me questions about how old Harrison was when I abandoned him and who was going to act as his mother since it obviously wasn't going to be me.  Thanks, two hours of sleep, for filling  my head with that crap during the only period of rest I got the whole night!  So why wouldn't my j-ass co-worker choose today to make a similar comment to my face?  In real life?  Do you like how I hyphenated j-ass?  I shortened it, but left the ass word.  Nice, huh?  What a dick...

2. Here is me being sensitive about yesterday's Galleria incident.  If you're going to off yourself, do it in the privacy of your own home and don't throw yourself into a sea of ice-skating children!!  WTF! The off-the-charts selfishness of this one just KILLS ME, and I also have now lost my desire to go near the mall for a while since I have other things I'd rather have filling my head than the image of a bloody ice rink and crying babies.  (If they decide to go with the "he fell" version of the story, which I'm sure some ambulance-chasing lawyer has already approached the guy's gf about) then I will take back my rant.  But he didn't fall.  Just so you know.

3. I really am sick of it being this hot.  I mean, come on already, this is just stupid at this point.  And just to give me something else to be pissy about, there are idiots running around Dallas stealing air conditioners for the metal.  They stole ten from a church...and someone else stole some 70-something year old lady's from her house and she died from the heat.  PLEASE God, give me a stack of free passes to Hell so I can hand them out.  I'd be SO good at it right now.  Just one less thing for You to have to worry about anyway, what with American politicians giving you the middle finger every day. You deal with them, I'll deal with the local scum.  Deal?

4.  Coffee no longer tastes good to me.  This has been going on for close to two weeks and you would not belieeeeve how pissed I am about it.  My teeth are now permanently clenched, which feels amazing.  Not to mention the fact that it could very well be part of the reason for my delightfulness over the past couple of days.

5.  This is the at least the seventh blog entry I have written this week, and the only one that's getting posted because it's also the nicest.  You should have seen my rant about the stupidity of a little product called BinkySpritz.

And now it is time to go visit Harrison for the second time today.  There will probably even be a third.